Friday the 13th – A Quick Ranking of Jason Films

Happy Birthday Jason!

In honor of Friday the 13th, and Jason’s birthday, I give to you my ranking of the movies starring the birthday boy. After 35 years, 200 kills, and severe mommy issues, Jason Voorhees has done it all. Here are is my ranking, from worst to first.

12. Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday – What the hell went wrong here? Jason is basically a snake demon that jumps from body to body; he can only be killed by a sacred Voorhees family dagger, and shaves his victim’s mustaches off. This movie has no redeeming qualities. I think I hate this film.

11. Friday the 13th VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan – This could have easily been my least favorite of the bunch, but the rooftop boxing match between Jason and Julius saves it from being last. The movie has so many holes in it, the boat taking Jason to New York should have sank before it left harbor.

10. Friday the 13th VII: The New Blood – Maybe the most menacing Jason, played by Kane Hodder. Not even that can make up for a terrible story and terrible characters. The only character I like is the biggest jerk in the film; Tina’s doctor. Hard to sit through this one.

9. Friday the 13th (2009) – A pretty lame attempt at rebooting a franchise that needed some life breathed into it. Jason lives in an underground network of tunnels. Pretty weird. Jared Padalecki was alright as the lead. My only question; was that Jason’s crop of marijuana that the characters in the opening scene are searching for?

8. Freddy Vs. Jason: A pretty cool story line which could have been way darker and more like a horror film than a teen comedy. It was nice to see these horror gods finally share some screen time. Lacks veteran Jason actor Kane Hodder, who was the best actor to put on the mask.

7. Friday the 13th: Jason Lives – Pretty sweet soundtrack provided by the iconic Alice Cooper. This sixth film would be a much better film if they left the Tommy Jarvis story line behind. Jason bends a cop in half, the way a human should not bend.

6. Jason X – So silly, but so awesome. Overall, a pretty terrible film. Contains two or three amazing death sequences. Jason as a futuristic looking cyborg is not as terrifying as it sounds. Features a cameo by The Fly (1986) director David Cronenberg, who agreed to be in the movie only if he got killed on screen.

5. Friday the 13th – A true classic horror film. I would love it more if I didn’t find the lead actresses as annoying. Mongoloid boy Jason coming out of the lake is my favorite bit. Kevin Bacon is also a victim to Jason’s insane mother.

4. Friday the 13th Part II – The first appearance of Jason as an adult, and a bad ass killing machine. Runs around Camp Crystal Lake wearing a sack over his head and is dressed like a hillbilly.What’s not to like?

3. Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter – In my opinion, the best produced and best acting of the saga. An effective horror movie, and Tom Savini’s make-up effects are amazing. Plus a young Corey Feldman and his bald head defeats Jason.

2. Friday the 13th Part III: 3D – Probably the one I have watched the most, and the first one I saw when I was a Kid. Jason acquires his mask from a guy named Shelley. Great music score. Will always be a special movie for me.

1. Friday the 13th: A New Beginning – I can’t really explain why the fifth movie of the series is my favorite. It just is. Sweet deaths, humorous, and cheesy all rolled into one. Jason only appears in dream sequences, but I still love it. Number one because of sentimental value. The outhouse scene is one that will will always make me laugh. Reggie the Reckless is my best-loved character that lives through any of the films. “It’s those damn Enchiladas!”

T.

31 Days of Halloween Day 19 – Friday the 13th: A New Beginning

31 Days of Halloween – Day 19

Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (directed by Danny Steinmann, 1985) I suppose you are wondering why I would choose the fourth sequel of the Friday the 13th franchise as the only Ft13 film on my 31 Days of Halloween list, and why choose the film of the series that does not feature Jason Voorhees (besides the original film, in which mommy was doing the killing)? Well let me tell you why my friends. This is my favorite of the Friday films. Yes, the story is completely lame, even by horror movie standards. There is so much cheese squeezed into this film, it’s like eating a box of Kraft Dinner made with TWO packages of orange power. Yet, I am completely entertained by this film, and know ninety-nine percent of the dialogue by memory. This is my guilty pleasure when it comes to horror movies. After being killed by Tommy Jarvis at the conclusion of Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter, Jason is a fading memory. Except to Tommy, who is now teenager, and living in a halfway home for troubled youth. He is still tormented by Jason through hallucinations and nightmares. After a resident of the home is murdered by a fellow troubled teen, the father (ambulance driver Roy) of the deceased teen dawns the familiar hockey mask and goes on a kill rampage under the disguise of Jason Voorhees. This movie has so many memorable characters and funny scenes that I never get tired of watching it. Victims include a leather-clad rock star named Demon (the incomparable Miguel A. Nunez Jr.) who lives in a van with his girlfriend, a motorcycle riding simpleton and his bitchy mother, a new-age goth girl who dances alone in her room, and a buxom gal who receives hedge clippers through the eyes. A lot of the murder scenes are original and well done, if a little far-fetched. A New Beginning does not have Jason except for a brief dream sequence at the start of the film, but that does not mean it is not a quality entry to the series. Compared to a couple of the sequels, Part V is a cinematic masterpiece. This Halloween, give Roy a chance. His hockey mask might have blue paint checks instead of red, and he may not be an unstoppable ghoul, but there is plenty of Jason to go around for all other occasions.

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Recap

  • Day 1 – The Conjuring
  • Day 2 – You’re Next
  • Day 3 – Rob Zombie’s Halloween
  • Day 4 – Dog Soldiers
  • Day 5 – Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
  • Day 6 – Psycho (1960)
  • Day 7 – John Carpenter’s The Thing
  • Day 8 – The Prowler
  • Day 9 – Pet Sematary
  • Day 10 – The Nightmare Before Christmas
  • Day 11 – Near Dark
  • Day 12 – The Lost Boys
  • Day 13 – Child’s Play
  • Day 14 – Sleepy Hollow
  • Day 15 – House of 1,000 Corpses
  • Day 16 – The Devil’s Rejects
  • Day 17 – Night of the Living Dead
  • Day 18 – Dawn of the Dead (’78)
  • Day 19 – Friday the 13th: A New Beginning

TOP FIVE DEATH SCENES – FRIDAY THE 13TH EDITION

JasonWho doesn’t love a violent death on the big screen? Jason Voorhees sure does. The goalie masked maniac has been carving up campers for more than 3 decades. Jason has hacked, slashed, choked, impaled, disemboweled, bludgeoned, and crushed his way through 120 plus victims. He averages over 10 kills per film. He’s a machine. Here are my five favorite Friday the 13th kills.

5. Knock Out Punch (Friday The 13th Part IIIV) – Brave Julius decides to stand up to Jason on a Manhattan rooftop. Jason let’s him get in a few good licks before scoring a first round TKO.

4. The Great Divide (Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday) – Deborah decides the best way to spend an evening in the woods is some good old fashion tent sex with Luke. If Jason shows up, she may have to split.

3. Frosted Face Smash (Jason X) – Even in space, Jason is pissed off. Especially after he’s just woken up from a hundred year nap. Poor Adrienne finds out that Jason is not a morning person. Why there is a sink full of liquid nitrogen, not sure. But it is a good death regardless of details.

2. Sleeping Bag Lumberjack (Jason X) – There are three things you need to know about Jason Voorhees; he does not care for camp counselors , he does not endorse the use of drugs, and he sure has hell has a problem with premarital sex. He lets two attractive female campers know just how he feels.

1. “This Shit Box is Gross!” (Friday the 13th V: A New Beginning) – Demon had too many enchiladas, so he has to use the restroom. After a little crooning with his soon to be deceased girlfriend, Anita, Demon finds out just how Elvis Presley felt, dying on the toilet. This is my favorite, not because it’s the most violent or inventive, but because the whole scene is hilarious. “Now you’re gonna get it, bitch!”

T.